An open letter to women on self-care and building a relationship with themselves
by Esinam Yevu
The cobblestone streets of London’s Covent Garden are always kind to me. As I walk on them this chilly early evening, I toss this question around in my mind — “What do I want to tell women?” I am a woman myself — if that is any consolation for pondering this question. The thing is, I want to be intentional about what I share. I want it to build you up, dear reader, to uplift and honour you.
Relationships have been on my mind lately. As I reflect on this topic, two friends walk past me hurriedly, clutching their coats, and one murmurs to the other, “It definitely is about the relationship”. Whether by coincidence or endorsement from the Universe, the answer becomes clear to me. Relationships it is.
My opening question is this: “Who is the first person you learnt to have a steady relationship with?”
I can imagine the answers streaming in. And while this question may lend itself to responses around family, friendships or romantic relationships, I bet very few women would highlight “self”. So, my next question is, “What does the relationship with yourself look like now?” It’s a simple, but loaded question. Let’s break it down.
- How well can you identify your body’s cues for a timeout? Do you offer it rest even when you are tempted to keep your superwoman cape on?
- Do you extend a generous dose of compassion to yourself when your brain is in overdrive or when you’re going through a difficult time?
- How effective are you at holding yourself accountable to your goals?
- Are you honest with yourself about the quality of the choices you make?
- Can you confidently say that you know yourself?
In this brutal society, it is sad that many of us are not taught to have a good relationship with ourselves first. Instead, we are conditioned to be outward pouring and outward seeking — to invest in others more than ourselves and to find things on the outside that fill any void within us. That’s why the saying “You cannot pour from an empty cup” rings so true.
Life is too hard to not know how to lead, soothe, nourish and preserve yourself, o wonderful woman!
If you are reading this and have not been intentional about nurturing yourself, it is time to go back to the drawing board. Life is too hard to not know how to lead, soothe, nourish and preserve yourself, o wonderful woman! “What do I need now? This week? This month?” Making this question a constant ask and remaining open to hearing what your heart tells you is the start of a journey to a healthy relationship with yourself.
Above all else, take care of yourself. We don’t say this enough. Every day you are given is one meant to be invested first in taking care of yourself, whatever that looks like for you in the now. Treat yourself like an endangered species because that’s what you are — there is only ever going to be one of you, and life is too short not to find fulfilment in every day.
This month, I wish you clarity, good health, and the courage to make the decisions that make your life a haven in this crazy world.
#IWD2022
Esinam Yevu is Marketing Strategy and Communications professional with interests that span the fields of Education, Health and International Relations. Her long-term goal is to channel her skills towards public-private sector initiatives that bring value to communities on the African continent.
